How Emotions Can Make Life Feel Predictable And Secure

     Dr. Taketa-Wong stresses (no pun intended) the importance of healthy emotions.  Emotional well being is just as important as physical health and, in fact, emotions are woven into our body.  When we feel safe and secure, our muscles are relaxed, our breathing is normal, our heart and digestion – in fact our entire body – operates normally.  Regardless of outside circumstances, life seems good.
 
     When we’re nervous, anxious, worried, or afraid, the opposite occurs.  Our muscles contract, our breathing becomes faster and shallower, our heart beats faster, digestion slows.  Outside circumstances can feel ominous and life seems uncertain.
 
     Sandra Parker, a PhD psychologist, calls those kinds of emotions “unrest,” arising from feelings of vulnerability.  You were hit with a surprise overdraft charge.  Your partner, who always lets you know, is an hour late.  The kids are at war with each other.  You didn’t get the job.  You’re waiting on medical test results.
 
     Even though we may “know” life is a roller coaster, we want our lives to be predictable, we want control.  So what do we do when things aren’t going our way, and we experience unrest, being unsettled?  How do we handle feeling vulnerable?  Many of us turn to external activities to avoid dealing with our feelings:  online shopping seems very important, the pet wants attention, we dive into our to-do list, those cat videos are just irresistible, we bury ourselves in work.
 
     According to Dr. Parker, what we’re doing in those moments is escaping from our inner lives.  “We are triggered by uncomfortable sensations in our bodies heralding emotions stirring beneath, and we do anything rather than face them,” she says, adding that, “many kinds of suffering can arise from this. Indeed, research suggests that people who avoid emotions tend to have higher pain levels, increased cardiovascular risk, and higher cancer rates, as well as increased depression, anxiety, and problems in relationships.”
 
     This well-written and highly relatable article offers excellent insight into the ways we avoid our feelings and some excellent approaches to embracing them.  Understanding what’s going on inside and how we deal with it can, ironically, bring us the control and predictability we desire.

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